I Do Not Want Kids. Here's Why.

Ethan Antalosky | Editor

I am often seen as a diabolical monster for saying that I hate kids. And I make all of my octogenarian relatives clutch their pearls when I say, “I do not like children and I do not want to have children of my own.”

My desire to not have children goes deeper than just, “I’m not the biggest fan of kids.” I actually don’t even hate children at all; I’m more/less terrified of them.

My distaste for kids boils down to the insecurity and discomfort I feel when talking to them, trying to relate to them, and the idea of being a role model to someone younger than I am. So I guess that I’m the problem…Oops.

But when they are well-behaved and entertaining, and I can give them back to their parents on my own fruition, kids are kind of cool I suppose.

The main reason why I do not want to have kids of my own is that I think it is a bit irresponsible to put another human being on this planet. The earth is already overpopulated and is losing resources at a rapidly increasing rate. Procreation means more people on the planet and, subsequently, fewer resources that will be used up even more quickly.

So why not adopt? That’s a perfectly great alternative to having biological children, right?

I’ll be the first to admit that I’m selfish, and I’d rather not be a parent at all than be a poor one. I know I do not possess, nor will I ever possess, the emotional bandwidth required to adequately raise a child. In a sense, my decision to not become a parent would be an act of service.

Besides, I am unequivocally the SUV-driving, red wine-drinking, houseplant-having, tough love-giving, cynical mom-friend who already has enough kids to take care of.